Confessional

Alright - I admit it. Today, I cheated. Well - I didn't technically cheat because our three months of strict macrobiotics is over and there really isn't any "cheating" in macrobiotics - it is about balance, and knowing what your body needs to be in balance, and honoring that, yada yada... but today - I knowingly, willingly, bought a muffin from the shop just around the corner from my office - the "cinnamon coffee cake" muffin - full of white flour, refined sugar, and probably some knock-off of "real" cinnamon. I have my reasons and I could go through them with you, and I had my rationalizations which I could also bore you with - but the point is. I bought it. I carried it guiltily back to my office hoping no one would see me, and I ate it. Most of it... and about half way through I realized what I was doing and how it was already affecting my state of mind... and I kept eating... And now... I feel absolutely gross. Sludge. It's all swimming around in my stomach, mixing with the acids in there, forming more acids, it's going to go on to give me a stomach ache, and the sugar rush that I have provided to my bloodstream is already pulsing through my brain and causing the very beginnings of a headache. (I have suffered from chronic headaches for about a decade, and since going macro, I can count the number of headaches I've had -- well - post first-week macro -- on zero fingers.) Great. And I thought I was helping my problems by satisfying that intense craving for something buttery and sweet - turns out... not so much. And, I may have just as well bought a cupcake, for this "muffin" probably came from a Betty Crocker box (who, by the way - if she would have existed when she was first dreamed up - would have never baked a cake out of one of those boxes...), for all I know.... yuck. chemicals and sugar and throw your body all out of wack-ness...

There - I feel better. I've confessed. Although all of the books and things that I've read about macrobiotics made it seem like my transition into macro would be a huge thing for my body - I would "desludge" and see the effects of the process ... quite honestly, I didn't experience all that much "desludging" side effects. The first few days giving up caffeine and refined sugar were difficult because I had an addiction to these things - so I had headaches... but after a few days those went away, and since I have just progressively felt better. There wasn't any day that I woke up and had "that macro feeling" as Jessica Porter describes. I've just felt progressively better - more balanced, more alive, my body feels lighter, and it just feels good to eat foods that are nourishing both to my body and my soul. But today, with my little post-strict-macro splurge to the muffin/cake world that I used to cherish so dearly - I realized that my world has been drastically changed by this. My tastebuds are more sensitive to each flavor - and that muffin was WAY too sweet (I'm not sure I've ever uttered such words -- way too sweet) ... chips are WAY too salty ... macrobiotics has taught me to cherish subtlety in food, to enjoy the nutty flavor of quinoa and the perfect sweet of a date - the smokey, salty taste of shoyu, and the bitterness of kale... all brought together in balance with one another in a meal.

I can't say this was my last yellow-cake-processed-refined sugar-muffin... but it was a learning experience - one I'll be trying to balance out for the rest of the day.